I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
