I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
