Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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