So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thus making me awesome and them whores
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
