I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
