You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
