The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
