I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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