You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
