Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
