I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
NoShamevember. You game?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
