That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
