I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
