dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
