that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
