walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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