I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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