just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
