I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
