its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
