guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
