I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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