I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
