He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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