I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
