sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
True strength comes from lack of pants
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
