Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
