After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
