so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Your dad touched me again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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