only if we run a train.
done.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
