Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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