When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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