Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
