He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
