Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
