She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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