i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
