I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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