Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
