my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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