When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
