I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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