he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
