I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
