I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
