We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
