Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
