Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
