he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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