If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
