he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
