News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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